Your DARKCHAT reviewers (past & present) have wracked what are left of their brains to try & help you survive what is heading your way VERY soon. This list is far from exhaustive but feel free to take heed of those here (especially the weather-related ones.)
1/ Walk down the Royal Mile on your first day to experience relentless flyering and the seething hordes of tourists - then try and avoid it during the hours of daylight for the sake of your own sanity!
2. Eat one thing every day that hasn’t been deep fried.
3. Take an umbrella – don’t buy a tartan one from an Edinburgh Pound Shop (unless you’re feeling brave). Be prepared to take shelter from hailstones – Scottish summer weather can be aggressive. And remember cobbles are slippery when wet!
4/ Perfect a Scottish accent (preferably not Glaswegian.)
5/ Apologise to your body in advance.
6/ Run some marathons before the festival if you have the time.
If you are lucky you can often see DARKCHAT reviewers dashing from one venue to another. These are strange creatures as you would think walking would be sufficent in modern society but not us. No if we are not running, jogging or doing rainbow squats to dislodge underwear from the aforementioned first two activities, then we are lifting a pen in one hand whilst holding a glass of wine in the other.
7/ Admit to insanity early.
If you are still lucky to be in possession of this wonderful thing called a mind, you wont be by the end of the Fringe. For anyone planning on going to this festival has to be crazy in the first instance. A week full of laughing at people doing their job is not classed as normal behaviour according to my psychiatrist.
8/ Avoid any zombie based shows.
9/ If there's a show you think you may have trouble getting through....drink a pint of wine as it eases the experience!!
10/ Go and see at least one puppetry show....,just choose wisely.
11/ Eat a Scotch Pie at least once in your stay.
12/ If you wish to stalk your favourite comedian, hanging around The Pleasance Courtyard is the best place. But if you're stalking at night, be mindful of any roadworks....you wouldn't want to fall down any holes.
13/ Be prepared.
Take a Spreadsheet, but not laminated that would just be weird.
14/ Give yourself one foodie delight in a week. Kalpna's is ours. But don't go when we plan to, it's busy enough already.
15/ Pick a showing featuring somone off the television. When that disappoints vow only to support up & coming talent. Not only will it be cheaper but you can spend the rest of your claiming " I spotted Ben Miller back in 1992 doing a show about John Noakes".
16/ Take warm clothing.
17/ Take wet-weather clothing.
18/ Take shorts & sun-cream.
19/ Fuck it, pack everything you own.